LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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