Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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