Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
