Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
