i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
