I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I need a beard to bite.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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