you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
