please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
