I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
