A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
barbara walters just said penis...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
