did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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