Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
