After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He did a backflip because drugs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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