Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
