I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
