proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
