We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
