i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
