I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
