Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
