Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
