I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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