I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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