I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
