The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was like getting head from an anaconda
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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