I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
