Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
