In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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