I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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