he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
