Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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