I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
