U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
