your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
