I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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