im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
