If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
