9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
