I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
