i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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