I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
