Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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