I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
