I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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