do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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