So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
