im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
