i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
