do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
