You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Randomize
